Photography by Mark McInnis, Words/Interview by Eric Greene

THERE ARE SOME BITTER PEOPLE IN PORTLAND, BUT MARK ISN’T ONE OF THEM. HE SPENDS MOST OF HIS TIME OUTSIDE THE CITY, ON THE COAST, SO HE DOESN’T HAVE TO INTERACT WITH THE ASSHOLES AS MUCH. MARK HAS MADE A NAME FOR HIMSELF TAKING PHOTOS IN THE COLD SHARKY WATERS OF THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST, WHERE A LOT OF PEOPLE REFER TO HIM AS, “SUPERSTOKED MARK.”

Yes, that’s his real nickname. The guy is so happy and positive all the time that it kinda drives you crazy and makes you mad. Nobody should be that happy. What’s hilarious is that Mark has a real short temper, where he just fucking loses it over the most miniscule things that most people wouldn’t even notice. He cools down as quick as he fires up and then he’s back to the same ol’ Superstoked Mark. But watching him rage in fit over spilled Cheerios (literally) is the most entertaining spectacle you’ll ever encounter in human interaction. I wasn’t sure if Mark was one of those people who hate their birthday, so I phoned him at 7 a.m. the day of to ask him what he hates in life. He was super stoked about it.

Happy birthday.

Whoa… How in the hell did you know it was my birthday?

I just felt it. Can I ask you about 10 things you hate?

You kidding me? Of course!

What pisses you off?

Hashtags.

Really? Hashtags are fun. What else?

I hate slutty chicks.

Please define “slutty chicks.”

All these chicks that are acting like sluts these days, everywhere you go. I hate it ‘cause I love women for how mysterious and special they are. I don’t know. I’m an old soul and I like to think of women as these precious creatures that make wise decisions. But these California chicks that are “Instagram famous?” Gag me.

OK, that’s two things you hate.

I hate Bono.

Do you hate transitional sunglasses or just Bono?

Both. Equally. I know it’s not fair to hate Bono because I don’t know him, but he just seems like a Grade A kook.

Bono and transitionals can count as one thing because they’re synonymous.

Uhmm… I hate Beets.

Beets are delicious.

What? No! Beets are the most revolting things on God’s green Earth. I like to eat healthy, but I can’t handle them.

What else?

Hmm… The little things. Like, stubbing my toe or breaking a wine glass? Instant fury. I fly right off the handle. I have a bad temper for the most unimportant things. Also, I get interrupted a lot. That’s annoying, but I don’t think I hate it like—

Pardon me for interrupting, but do you hate when people name your secret Oregon surf spots on social media?

Oh, dude. I hate when ANY surf spot is named on social media. People get pissed about my photos and then talk about it, but talking about how pissed off they are at my photo brings more attention to it. Everything about it pisses me off. I don’t name any spots, but I take photos, so I’m a hypocrite. A big one. Photographers actually piss me off.

You hate photographers?

Yes, I hate photographers. I hate myself sometimes.

That’s seven things.

I hate how Metallica started sucking after Master of Puppets. I hate the smell of hospitals and I hate talking about human anatomy. Oh, and one serious thing I fucking hate is when the ocean won’t let me out at a beach break. I get unbelievably pissed off at that.

OK, calm down. You got ten things already. Do you hate your birthday?

No, I love it because it reminds me how lucky I am to be alive and that my life is pretty darn rad. But I hate getting older.